The dictionary  describes labels as “ 1. A slip attached to something for identification or  description  2. descriptive or identifying word or phrase.  All well and good if you’re describing drapery but how do they work with people?  Even more importantly how do labels affect you?   It seems  to me that most people …whether or not they realize it…are mentally bound hand and foot with labels that have been applied over a lifetime.   The labels I mean are the Velcro like statements that limit your ability to live creatively.


An example:   let’s take a little boy playingTee ball.  Ok we are talking about a  kindergartener for gosh sakes…the baseball scouts won’t be around for a couple of years yet.  I would be willing  to bet after a game or two labels are being printed for this little guy. He is already getting known to himself and others as good in baseball, or maybe not so good.  Adults react to these perceived accomplishments or failures and he begins to believe them himself.  I’m sure that you know these kinds of labels are often self-fulfilling prophecies.  If he is beginning to believe he isn’t such a great baseball player when the ball comes whizzing by …wait this is tee ball after all …when the ball comes ambling by (see a label I’ve put on Tee Ball batters) do you think our hero is going to run and really try…or will he think," gee I’m not going to be able to get the guy out anyway so why try so hard".  Now in reality the day this label was attached maybe he wasn’t feeling well or just had a bad Tee ball  day.  I’m belaboring the point but  do you see how easily your life can be shaped by labels.  They affect so many of the choices that you  make.


There are a couple of other things about labels that I find interesting.  I’m beginning to think positive labels are just as restricting as negative ones.  Do you have  positive labels that point you in a certain direction?   Due to the fact that positive feedback feels so yummy…are you staying with something past the point when something new might be more rewarding?  After all you tell yourself the usual feels good and you know (because you can point to the label) that you are good at it…so it’s safe.  Another thing I have noticed is that much of the time it really doesn’t matter who printed the label you still allow your life to start changing in response to being  tagged by it.


I would say that most of your labels aren’t even true.  I can hear someone saying, “yes but I  am short and have dark hair.”  To  which I could say shorter than whom and you only have dark hair if you want  it.  You could always change the  color or it could eventually go grey (if that makes you cringe…you could, again, always change the color).  Labels  keep you stuck in the past.  They keep you bound to ideas that you have outgrown.  You have taken many steps along your path since they were assigned. Do  yourself a favor have a bonfire and torch all of your labels then watch the  world open up.

Let’s take an  imaginary walk out of doors into a beautiful setting.   I won’t describe to you what that
setting would look like …this is after all your walk.   Pick what for you would be a really special, serene,
interesting (and as many superlatives as  you would like to throw in) place.   Really take a while and make it as perfect as you can.   Alright do you have it in mind?   This for you will be a sanctuary.   So that would mean a safe haven, right?

There are a couple of catches to enjoying this beautiful place.  One is that it is for you alone.  No friends, pets, children, TVs, sports specials, parties, fast cars, good food or any other distractions allowed.   The next catch is all of your striving to get ahead, second guessing of your actions, worry if you’re dressed right or fit in and the need to impress people or get their approval has to be checked at the entrance.  In other  words you have to stop packaging yourself for resale.  By now are you walking around kicking clods of dirt and thinking well what in the world am I going to do here?  Like many of us you may be starting to fidget?   Ok now back to the  statement above does it still feel like a safe haven?  I would bet many people would say  NO!

 It should tell us something if being with our plain,  vanilla, unadorned self makes us uncomfortable. It seems like the first step to finding our own answers is to understand how valuable and important to us that plain, vanilla, unadorned self is.  Maybe that is what you could start doing in that sanctuary

Have you found that  there are some hard things about discovering your very own unique and wonderful voice?  One big road  block to that discovery is SHOULD.   In fact in thinking about writing this entry my first idea was to write on SHOULD.  My next thought was no you SHOULD write about …(here fill in any number of things).   So I fought with SHOULD and won.


Do you have the bony SHOULD finger often pointed at you?   In fact an even bigger weapon is THEY SAY combined with YOU SHOULD.   SHOULD is capitalized  because  I’m not speaking of the gentle, loving reminder to get out of the way of an oncoming car.  I am talking about  the command to do something a certain way before you even have time to feel how you really choose to do it.   In fairness to SHOULD some of his/her/it’s suggestions are ones you may choose to follow.  It is SHOULD’s commanding don’t think just hop to it approach that leaves people out of the equation.


I look at each of us like onions with many layers to be peeled away.  The voice is shrieking you SHOULD think of people as roses with lovely petals.  I don’t know voice a rose seems kind of confining… an onion on the other
hand gives one many more options.  Ok so back on topic let’s look at how to get SHOULD down to manageable size.   This is not an easy thing to do because subtract about a year from your age and that is how long you have been under SHOULD’s thumb. At this point do you think listening to SHOULD makes your life run more efficiently?  It SHOULD you have cut out the middle man...you.  Does SHOULD feel safe?  Everyone should approve after all they are the ones telling you how to behave.  It is a win win situation,  right?  


People learn, retain and deal with things in different ways.  For me I do better seeing things in writing. If ousting SHOULD all at once seems pretty drastic or makes you uncomfortable how about writing down the times you
are the target of a SHOULD.  Then since this is your journey you can decide if you want to ignore some of the deadly SHOULDs and fnd your own answers.